Trapped under Ice

I have been asked to start a new project at the hospital........ ive been asked to run a discharge area. This means that any patients who have been told they can go home will come to me and sit and wait for their tablets or transport to pick them up. The reason ive been asked to do this is because there is a lack of beds in the hospital and alot of patients coming in each day that need bedding. I am also a bed manger so i understand the frustrations of needing to give a patient a bed but it is impossible because the wards are full and the beds we could use are being used by patients who are waiting for their tablets or waiting to get picked up..... hence the discharge area has been set up. The stuip thing is a couple of years ago the hospital decided to close the discharge area because it wasnt being used but now the hospital is busy they have decided they need it again.

Since running this area i have come across many areas of frustration which i wish i had some way of changing but trying to change something in a place as big and busy as the hospital is like trying to free yourself when your trapped under ice....... its impossible.
Many patients who have come down to me have been upset they have been moved from a ward that they know and cant understand why they cant stay there untill they go home... but its impossible to try and explain the only reason we moved you was to free up your bed. Well i cant tell patients that, its impossible. I would love to talk about more of my frustrations but its abit inappropriate and i could go on and on.

I would love to run a hospital one day. However i would run it my way with no government involvement or say about anything. I would treat each patient as an individual and i would put the money where its needed and i would ignore all government targets and just make sure each patient was treated with dignity and respect. They would not be discharged untill they were happy and pain free and knew exactly what was wrong with them and what they could do to help themselves. I would make sure that all familys were updated everyday and knew exactly what was going on. If i knew patients were due to be discharged i would organise it a few days before so as soon as the docter said they could go home, they would have all the bits they needed to go straight home instead of waiting around all day. I would make sure nurses had time to nurse, docters had time to spend with each patient and all staff were happy in their job because they ahd time to do it.
As long as patients and their familys were treated as indivduals with care respect and dignity and knew what was going on i would be happy.

However, we can all live in a dream world because as i say, trying to change anything would be like trying to free yourself if you got trapped under ice.

..... And Justice For All

I feel abit more happyier today. I realised i might get some much needed overtime in my pay packet this month so hopefully i can pay some of my overdraft off!! I also had a very pleasent and exiting phonecall with a family member who offer to pay for me to have my hair done, which again is much needed and is something that always makes a girl feel so much happier!!

I wanted to mention abit about justice in this post as i feel is something else that is very much needed. I know that when the time is right my husband will get his justice with his workplace about the way they treated him when they dismissed him. I am unsure of how and when this justice will occur but iam sure it will happen good.

We have plans for the future that we have already started looking into, but they are just plans at the minute untill we get sorted (if ever). We share a dream to live and work on the isle of Wight. The house's overthere are so good for the money and the land you get with alot of them is amazing and a dream to own such property! Anyway we would love a family home with a big garden, for our children to run around in. We would also love to see our children get involved in the amazing community spirt they have over there. The hospital is a great size with fantastic oppitunitys for the both of us. I do wander weather that would be our break and justice gainned, when my husband is in a job and place of work where they actuly appreciate things and i no longer have to work for a place that treated him so badly.

I do have some concerns that me and my husband have spoke about many times. I didnt grow up in a huge close family untill both my parents remarried and i always said that i would love to have a few children and all of whom would be surrounded by grandparents. I worry that if we move out there that they wouldnt get that and then would they grow up to wish they knew their family better or saw more of them, or would our families hate the fact that they wernt around to watch their grandchildren grow up. Also as we are all local we are able to drop in on each other as and when, but if we moved away we wouldnt be able to do that. However i then think with everyones busy lifes we dont really see that much of each other anyway and if we did move away we would probaly make more effort to see each other. Anyway these are issues ive got to square with myself and come up with the answers, i think.

It is our dream and after all weve been through, it would be the icing on the cake to actuly do it and as i say maybe it would be the justice and happyness were looking for. Also i believe even though it doesnt happen straight away justice is out there in some form somewhere.

Nothing Else Matters!

After starting today, i thought it was going to be a very unhappy unpositive day, it actuly turned out ok.

My job is becoming more and more demanding but my work place is actuly doing me a favour by giving me extra hours but its not for the ideal job. However its money and thats what i keep reminding myself. I felt i had a low day today, then when my husband picked me up we had a chat and he made me see things alot more clear. He told me why dont i make this bit of extra work my own and really make the most of it and try and make abit of difference. So when i got home i got to work on really making this extra work more of a pleasant experience and already its helped abit. I am still waiting to hear to see if i can have one really important thing that would make this extra work 100% perfect so ill keep my fingers crossed!

I also read a family memebers blog and comment and again feel so much better about everything. My husband felt he had a bad day. After dropping me off at work he came home and fel asleep but due to his disorder that can not of been helped, so i tryed reassuring him and not to get angry because there was nothing to get angry about. Hes not working at the minute and he has got alot to do but i discovered the best way he will do things is in his own time, when the time is right. After reading comments and blogs it become clear to me that i shouldnt try and live my life as his. He is a grown man and knows his own mind so why do i need worry if he is not. What matters is love, support, understanding and plently of it!!! In this world we need to look out for each and make the most of what we have got. Also i need to try and stop worring about things that havent even happened yet. If theres nothing i can do about it, then thats the end of the story. My husband knows what he needs to do and we have got through this far so all it will take is time. I was listening to him tonight and all he needs is a break, as i said he knows what he needs to do and he will do it because he always does but for the mean time i need to be here and just listen to him and support him.

Ive decided that if i can afford it in a couple of months iam going to book a long weekend away for us, just to get away from it all for the time being. We wont escape everything but it will be a break.

Whats most important is that Nothing Else Matters, apart from the happyness and health of your loved ones. If they are not doing what you think they should be, there is normally a reason for it. So i will try to remember that and question the reason before shouting and screaming in anger.

Fuel

"Give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which i desire!"

I go through day to day offen saying to myself and others... "i wish i had more confidence to stand up for myself and others". In my line of work i need confidence but sometimes i find myself letting things slip through my fingers without even questioning it or arguing it. Espessily when they are things i know people are getting away with and they shouldnt be.

A good example is something thats happened just recently. My husband lost his job due to ill health (cancer) and at the throughout the time this was happening i didnt agree with what was happening but i kept quite thinking it was the best thing. What i should have done and wanted to do was fight for my husband. I knew at the time that if i was to fight for his job and won it would have been so difficult for him to go back there and face everything. But there is alot more i could have done. In one breath they were dismissing him due to ill health then in the next breath they were offering agency work so at least he could still work. Why didnt ask "how can you dismiss him due to ill health but then clear him to work on an agency?"

I often see the people who dismissed him in the coridores at work and i all i can do is just stare at them in disbelief! I think to myself "wheres the fuel inside of me just to have my say and my say to these people?" Its ok for them, they still have their jobs and they always look so happy, even though they may not be. I wish i had the confidence to stand our ground and argue it for him. Hes in no frame of mind to fight it but why cant i find the confidence to do it for him? His happiness means the world to me so why cant i find the confidence to fight.

I think that as i grow older and have more life experience maybe my confidence will build. However i look back on what i have been through and the confidence should be there already.

I had a difficult childhood (which one day i would like to go into), i moved out of home when i was 17/18 and took on aload of responsibilitys, then theres everything that me and Ross have been thorugh. I do wish i could find the strenght to put more effort into finding confidence as iput a huge amount of effort into nagging my husband and being miserable sometimes.

Maybe these kind of unsympathic people will only last so long in their world and one justice will happen. I do think things happen for a reason...... but whats the reason for me being so unconfident when it comes to my loved ones?
Wow thats actuly another whole subject on its own and its one to think about!!

My 1st ever post

I dont really know where to start. A couple of family members told me that they do this just to write down their thoughts and stresses so i thought it might be a good idea that i did so i dont take things out on my husband so much.

We have been through alot together (me and my husband). We got married last year in september and it was such a lovely day i didnt want it to end. Anyway we have been together for 6 years (nearly 7) and during that time we have been through so much. My husband had alot of health problems which led to alot of hospital admissions and him being ill. Then he was diagnosed with cancer and i dont think it has even set in for the both of us, even now. During the time of him being diagnosed, i was training to be a nurse. There was many times i thought i might have to give it up, but we struggled on and i got through it. I was then qualified for about 3 months and hurt my back and i was told i could never nurse again, but through my own determination and support from from my husband i found a much better job but it came with its downfalls. It was only a part time job.

I am hoping this blog will help me relieve some stresses and also to appreciate my husband alot more and gain more understanding for and and of him/me.